I know I need to go ahead and recap all of this before I forget any details, but after the last three weeks seemingly living in a fog, I hope that I can remember everything. I will start with the girls' birth:
Thad and I left our house at 11:30 PM on Tuesday, December 11, 2012 to make our hour-long trek to the hospital to have labor induced to get to meet our baby girls on Wednesday, December 12, 2012 (12/12/12). This day was one we had been shooting for all along because we thought it would be cool for twins to have that birthday and our doctor saw no faults in it, since I was 37 weeks and 2 days (37 weeks is full term for twins), and they usually delivered twins between 36 & 37 weeks so that they wouldn't run the risk of them getting to big to complicate a vaginal delivery (my doctor is very anti-cut and for that I am so grateful!) Once we arrived at the hospital at around 12:30 AM, we got admitted, changed into my lovely hospital gown, peed in the cup, took vitals and started an IV and waited to get the ball rolling. I was dilated to a 3 when I was admitted and "twin a" was still high at a plus 3 position. The pitocin was started at about 2:15 AM and we waited...during this time, I tried to sleep on and off but to no avail, all the while Thad napped like a baby on the "comfy" sofa! My parents arrived about 4:30 AM and from then on, no sleep was to be had. I didn't feel tired, just ready for things to move along, and if it was going to be anything like my other two deliveries, I knew it might be a long day. To our surprise, things progressed MUCH quicker (as we were told we would for sure have babies by lunch), and I got my epidural when I was a 4 (about 7ish). After I got my epidural, about 30 minutes or so, I started feeling very light-headed and kind of sick to my stomach. Soon, the babies were not responding well to it and I had about 4 nurses rushing in, turning me on my side and giving me oxygen and then trying to get the anestesiologist in there to get something administered through my IV. Apparently, when carrying multiples, something can happen with an epidural that causes the babies to react adversly and this is what happened. They administered the drug and within 15 minutes, I was fine and babies heart rates were back on the monitor and they were doing well. (I should have known this would be a sign of things to come) After all of this, Dr. Phillips came in to check on me and I told her that I had the feeling like my water had just broken or I had just peed on myself so she went ahead and checked me and I had just peed on myself, but she did break my water as I was a 5, a whole gallon of clear fluid poured forth and after that, things went FAST. I think she broke my water at about 8ish and about 9:30 my nurse came in and said she had been down in the O.R. prepping it (it is protocol in our hospital to deliver multiples in an O.R. in case a c-section is needed) and she had a feeling she needed to come and check on me. SHe asked if I was feeling pressure and I told her a little but not too bad, she checkd me and said "Um yea, your cervix is completely gone, let me get Dr. Phillips in here to check you." Well hello progress! Dr. Phillips came in, checked and confirmed what the nurse said and told us that we were going to the delivery room! We wheeled out of our laboring room at 9:45 AM and into a cold, weird-feeling O.R. with about 20 people in there and lots of tools and scary stuff all around! (Remember this was NOT how I had had my other two and I thoroughly enjoyed my comfy laboring room wiht no BIG LIGHTS shining down on your nether regions!) So like I said, the entire atmosphere in a the O.R. was SO different than what we were used to and to add to the fact that we were having TWO babies, there were double the people and double the chaos! After getting me set up (even though I had an epidural, it was not 100% and I could still feel my legs and all that insued afterward), we were ready to deliver our girls. When we had gone in on Monday before for our NST and last appointment, both girls were presenting head down and were that way earlier in the morning as well so we assumed all was going to be smooth sailing. When Dr. Phillips gave me the OK to go ahead and push, Malin Reid arrived at 10:13 AM in one push and weighed in at 3 lb. 14 oz. and let hte ENTIRE world know that her lungs worked just fine! All I remember was seeing her and seeing how tiny she was; no holding my baby, just put in a warmer, assessed and bundled up. Malin scored a 7 on her inital APGAR and an 8 on her second one, so she was fine, but we were told she would go to NICU because she was under 4 lbs. (we knew that would be a possibility because of her IUGR, though at our ultrasound that MOnday she measured 4 lb. 2 oz.) After delivering Malin, Dr. Phillips wanted to get an ultrasound picture of "baby B" just to see her positioning, well low and behold, she had flipped and was breeched. Because they were both small, we had discussed delivering a breech baby and so this did not flip me out of scare me. With two pushes, her feet and butt were delivered and then I was told to STOP and not push anymore while Dr. Phillips was seemingly frantically trying to get the doctor in the O.R. who is termed the "breech guru" and can "deliver anything, anyway" in the words of Dr. Phillips. When he got in the room, he only had time to be slipped into his gown and then took his position. At this point, Dr. Phillips had worked to try and get "baby b" delivered, but to no avail and at this point she was about 4 minutes stuck in the birth canal with no oxygen. I don't remember much about that time because it was mere chaos but I do remember Thad telling me about how she looked like a limp noodle just hanging there. I am very glad it was a scene I could not see, as I know I would have had a hard time staying calm and completing my task. After she was delivered by forceps (remember that point I told you about the epidural not being extremely strong :/) she did not cry and was whisked away and immediately given oxygen to try and rescusitate her. They never did chest compressions on her but she did need help transitioning from outside the womb. Thad and waited for what seemed like forever, laying there, holding hands, pleading to God to please just make sure she was OK and after a few minutes (seemed like at least 10), we finally heard Marin Rhea cry; a weak cry compared to her sister, but a cry nonetheless. She arrived at 10:22 AM and weighed 5 lb. 4 oz. Her initial APGAR score was a 2 (that being out of 10 points possible), but after 5 minutes, her second score was a 7, so she was going to NICU because of her difficulty transitioning. We did get one picture of each of them, but it was NOTHING like I had hoped; there would be no pictures of the happy family of 6, no pictures of everyone doting over these two perfect little people and no pictures of mom and dad initially welcoming their two sweet girls. This is something I struggle with because that is how it is "supposed" to be; their big brother and sister are supposed to see them and touch them, mom is supposed to nurse them and do all the routine things we take for granted and everyone is supposed to be able to hold them and say how incredibly perfect they are; not have to admire in a gown, in the NICU with no holding, big brother and sister not being able to see them, no nursing or any of those things. Yes, it is selfish to think like that and yes I am happy that they are both OK and that the NICU was there to help them and that that is where they needed to be, but we missed out on all those things; WE, not just me. So the first time we got to actually see and take in the little things about our girls was hours after birth with Marin in an isolette and Malin in an open crib. I think we were both under the assumption that this would be a couple of days thing, that they would come home just a few days after I was discharged; never did we imagine it would be 13 days after their birth...
So began our NICU journey. Explaining to Berk and Jack that they could not only NOT see or hold their sisters was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. I know that in their 4 and 2 1/2 year old minds, they probably thought that this was all just a big joke and that I really didn't have babies and that my huge belly disappearing was just a hoax! We showed them pictures after each NICU visit (every 4 hours at touch times) and we tried to tell them all the little things about their sisters and both just got accustomed to asking "So how are hte girls today?!" During my stay in the hospital, grandparents were amazing and we coulnd't have done it without them. My recovery was extremely easy and I think God knew what we were going to be thrown so he gave me the easiest 7 hours of labor, little babies to birth and a very smooth recovery in comparison to the other two. Our first visit to NICU was seperate from each other because we had so many people who wanted to see the girls so we split up our time. Thad first went down and saw them and took in the routine for the NICU and all the things that you are asked to do: wash your hands and up to your elbows for 3 minutes (which absolutely tore up our skin), put on a gown, refrain from entering hte NICU if you have a cough or other cold symptoms, touch times are every 4 hours when you can come take their temperature and change their diaper and eventually hold them. Looking back, I wish Thad and I had gone down together by ourselves at first, but at that point I was so exhausted and didn't mind a little quiet time with my two older kids while others went and saw them. I don't think either of us were prepared for the entire aura of the NICU; you think that your kids have it bad, but really they didn't. THey were never on any pain meds, sedation, have extremely dangerous health situations and we were never told that either of htem might not make it; there are others who have not been so fortunate. So onto where the girls started. Seeing Marin for the first time, she was on a nasal canula to help her breathe a little better, she had a UVC in her umbilical cord and all the normal cords that they have hooked up to babies they are monitoring. Malin just had the normal cords but no nasal canula because she was doing fine and didn't have hte transition issue that Marin did. So all in all, the girls were really doing well and we were even told that Malin would probably start feeds the next day. They were both receiving fluids and the next day it would go to TPN which is a fluid that has all their essential vitamins, protein, etc. to give them their daily nutrients that they would otherwise receive through nursing. THe days I was in the hospital are again quite a fog with trying to start pumping ot build up a supply (my milk didn't come in until that weekend) and I was trying to just wrap my mind around when to be down there and when to take a little time for myself. The second day I asked the age old question "When can we expect them home" and of course I got the age old answer "Usually by their due date"-18 days away. THey explained that they have to maintain their body temperature, take all feeds by a bottle (a specific volume would be set based on their weight), be off all antibiotics and gaining weight. All of these things seemed so daunting at the time because all they were doing was just sitting there. Malin started feeding the second day because she was doing great and Marin was still NPO. Malin was a champ at feeding and did great with her 5 mL! Both girls were on two antibiotics; antibiotics that all babies who come to NICU have at first. THis course of antibiotics would go for 5 days, given that there was no other infection. THe first couple of days seemed to go pretty well, nothing exciting and no major issues; Malin was now taking 10 mL, and before I left I fed her 10 mL of formula. I was discharged that Friday and leaving the hospital without our two new babies was like ripping my heart out and stomping on it. I felt like I needed to come home that Friday and have a "normal" night with cooking dinner and just enjoying my older kids' company along with my sister and her family. That night, I received a call from the NICU and they said that Malin had passed a stool that had blood in it and that they were doing a work up on her to figure out what was going on and they were also going to do an abdomen scan that night and follow with one in the morning. Wow, talk about making me feel extremely selfish for wanting to be home and not up there with them. My breakdowns were not done in public and I never wanted pity from anyone, but there were plenty of shower times that that is all that I did because I didn't know what to do, how to handle myself and this obstacle that was now facing our family; not just me, but our entire family unit. So that weekend, we drove to and from the hospital (an hour drive), and spent the days up there and nights at home. Our big kids were exhausted, as were mom and dad. Nothing really changed with the girls on these days, except Marin was now under the lights because she was jaundiced since she still had not had anything to eat. Their neonatologist was very cautious with Marin after what happened with Malin because they could never pinpoint where the infection was coming from in Malin and he wanted to make sure it wasn't an infection they had shared in utero (especially since at the time of their delivery they were 25% discordant). So, needless to say, Marin's jaundice was pretty bad at first, but a few days under the lights and she was good. After Malin's bloody stool, she was put NPO also so neither was eating, just getting their TPN through their nasal canulas. Malin got a PICC line to administer her new antibiotic (another weeklong venture) and I signed a consent for Marin to get a PICC line if needed. After all of the bloody stool issues with Malin, we decided that we needed to be up there, staying close just in case; so we packed suitcases (4 of them) and headed to make a stay in a hotel until the girls came home. We wanted to keep a sense of normal for our two older kids and we felt like this was the best way to do it as they would throw a fit to come to the hospital with us though they knew they were not allowed to go back and see the girls. The days that the girls remained in the hospital are all a blur, honestly! My family came and we had a very unconventional Christmas in a hotel; my mind constantly on my two babies that were not there, but so grateful for hte time we had together with everyone else. Marin began feeding and Malin didn't have anymore bloody stool issues so we knew and hoped that we would be on the up and up. Soon, they were in a crib together and we went up from there. It was so amazing once things got going that we knew that the 31st was a good guess as to when they'd be home. I tried to not ask too much about the "when" because I didn't want to be disappointed if it didn't come true. Our first Tuesday in the hotel, we had to come back to take Berk to her dance recital; on our way home we saw two shooting stars and on each I wished that our babies would be home for Christmas. At the time I knew that it was a crazy wish, but I thought "What would it hurt?" As we were coming up on Christmas and the girls were making strides towards coming home, the thought of Christmas had slipped into my mind, but I didn't give it too much thought due to that disappointment thing. As we got closer to Christmas and each girl was eating better and making all the right moves, those two shooting stars slipped into my mind. Christmas Eve I received amazing news that the girls would get to come home on Christmas, given no issues through the night. I cannot explain how amazing those words sounded at that time. I had not cried throughout our entire time there, and for hte first time, I let the tears flow as hteir doctor came and gave me that news. It would be the best Christmas yet! I held my breath all Christmas Eve because I didn't want my phone to ring with any more bad news or set backs! I tried to stay in the moment and not get too concerned about the maybe of coming home hte next day. Christmas morning was a wonderful morning as my phone had not rang all night and I knew our girls would come home that day! Christmas truly is a time for miracles. There was a time not more than a week earlier when Christmas didn't even seem a possibility and now, our girls were coming home on Christmas day and would finally get to meet their older brother and sister! We had so many generous people in our time in the NICU and so many people covering our family in prayers, and for those things, we can never say thank you enough. Our girls are home and our family is complete and this will be a CHristmas that we will never forget.
So many people asked me how I was holding up during this entire time, and I really can't tell you because it was such a foggy time. Though the girls were never in a bad health state, they were still in NICU and we were told to prepare ourselves for hte ups and downs and so we weren't sure how everything was going to play out. Do we regret having our girls at 37 weeks? No because we were told that with multiples this was hte best situation and our doctor reassured us that we had made a good decision to go ahead and take the girls; especially that if Marin had been bigger and gotten stuck then she probably would not have made it. With their discordance being at 25% that MOnday, they probably would have scheduled an induction regardless because their discordance was growing more and more; I would not have carried them much longer regardless. Would I have elected to have a c-section, knowing now what was going to happen? No. I thank God that my doctor did not push that option on me and respected the fact that if it was possible that i wanted to have a vaginal delivery. SHe did explain to me that if it was absolutely necessary for me or the girls to have a c-section then it would be done. There was no way of knowing what was going to happen and we are just very thankful that God was watching over all of us at the time of delivery. There was also no way of knowing all of the things that would happen in NICU and when I look back, I am thankful they were there, where they needed to be for that time. THad and I have a much better relationship and are stronger due to all of this. I have never relied on someone so much as I relied on Thad during the girls' NICU stay; he is my rock and I know that this journey would have been unbearable had it not been for him. He never pushed me to "talk about my feelings," he just seemed to always know when I needed a hug or when to just let me have my time and wiped my tears. Our journey has been one that has tested us, but it is one that we will never forget. So for now, we look forward and are enjoying our time TOGETHER as family of six. Thank you for joining us in our journey!
Last belly pic!
Monitor during labor
Marin Rhea
Malin Reid
My extremely thoughtful husband!
All 4 of our babies!
